I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
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