Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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