bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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