She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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