Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize