we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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