Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
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hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
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I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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