I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
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It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
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Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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