the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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