I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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