Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
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Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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