On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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