So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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