Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Church boner. Awkwardddd
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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