there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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