oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
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i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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