Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
