He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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