My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
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Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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