all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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