I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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