she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a fireplace last night.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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