An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
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i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
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I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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