So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize