I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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