i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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