Texts From Last Night

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  (914): View more from New York

  this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.

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  (914): this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again. http://tfl.nu/zwji
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.

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  (773): i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink. http://tfl.nu/eils
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.

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  (403): I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go. http://tfl.nu/eq2k
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?

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  (225): is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off? http://tfl.nu/2g62
  Replies (81) Good night (4138) Bad night (5294) Order T-Shirt
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.

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  (502): I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis. http://tfl.nu/zjdj
  Replies (31) Good night (1575) Bad night (3869) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?

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  (914): she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal? http://tfl.nu/dwfw
  Replies (20) Good night (1226) Bad night (4030) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.

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  (914): I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned. http://tfl.nu/hdoa
  Replies (10) Good night (1162) Bad night (4702) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.

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  (513): Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night. http://tfl.nu/vga8
  Replies (8) Good night (2171) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I want to be you.

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  (541): Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!! (306): I want to be you. http://tfl.nu/x9vb
  Replies (14) Good night (1522) Bad night (1074)
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  (325): View more from Texas

  You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.

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  (325): You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt. http://tfl.nu/r2sr
  Replies (4) Good night (2257) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.

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  (763): she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick. http://tfl.nu/by59
  Replies (5) Good night (501) Bad night (1144) Order T-Shirt
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...

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  (313): Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door... http://tfl.nu/qt3a
  Replies (19) Good night (563) Bad night (1818) Order T-Shirt
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I want to own their dicks and all the attachments

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  (210): I want to own their dicks and all the attachments http://tfl.nu/6rti
  Replies (1) Good night (690) Bad night (311) Order T-Shirt
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  (845): View more from New York

  i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend

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  (845): i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend http://tfl.nu/47gg
  Replies (10) Good night (891) Bad night (376) Order T-Shirt
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Just skip

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Please. i have SOME standards

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  (479): Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day. (501): Just skip (479): Please. i have SOME standards http://tfl.nu/0muv
  Replies (0) Good night (669) Bad night (157)

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