I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
When are your genitals available?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize