are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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