Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
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Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
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