"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
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Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
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Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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