What did we do last night that was yellow?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She told me I should be a condom model.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
