what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
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I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
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Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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