Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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