She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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