It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
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so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
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Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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