DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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