so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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