I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
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Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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