I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize