she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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