Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize