i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize