Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
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I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
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We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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