i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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