a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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