foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
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I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
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How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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