how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize