escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Come share oat with me in your robe
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