She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize