She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
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Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
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Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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